I saw transformers 2 (which I really did enjoy)and GI JOE last night at the drive in, for $6. I was prepared for the brutal rapping of everything in my childhood that I held dear. Especially Gi Joe.
I was prepared to hate this movie. I find that I don' hate it, I however still don't know if I liked it though. I may have to go see it again and see what I missed the first time.
I am a traditionalist and they did not NEED to reinvent the wheel for this movie, but sadly they did. I feel they really missed some opportunities that would have made for a better movie.
SPOILER ALERT
I had set my hopes a little higher when I saw Duke and Ripcord in identifiable field gear and multicam (They should have continued with that appearance NOT black. Sadly it started to go down the tubes from here.
Duke, overall, well done.
Ripcord, The character was ok, MW did a better job than I thought he would, BUT, he should have been portrayed as Stalker. It fit better for his role in the movie except for the flight scenes, they should have used a pilot like ACE for those, one does not become a ranger and suddenly become a ace pilot capable of mach 6 flight, more on that latter. Sadly this was not the only time this movie mashed two joes into one.
Scarlet, overall, well done, should have had more chemistry with snake eyes though, not romance but chemistry at least. Certainly NOT with Ripcord, someone is going to hell for that idea, and I sent you there.
Snake eyes and stormshadow, Thank you Ray Park for not screwing this up. Wish they had kept to the original back story a little closer, again, it was not necessary to reinvent the wheel here, but they did and we suffer for it.
Zartan, at least he did not turn blue in the sun light, overall well done. Would have been better with a cameo of the dreadnoks , perhaps when the convoy was traveling, have the dreadnok radio a position report, then have the convoy attacked.
During the attack on the convoy that stupid starwars reject cobra gunship with a seemingly impervious technology of star trek. What munchkin gamer came up with that crap idea. I know, he works at a toy company that used to sell mecha.
In my opinion they should have used FANG helicopters, Trouble Bubbles and CLAW flying wings as air support to attack the convoy., Could have had the Apaches taken out by a ASP's and a STINGER. then attack and escape on HISS tanks, outcome would have been the same plot wise and the movie would have been closer to canon , missed opportunity again paramount
Baroness, cobra commander, and Destro, and the vipers. Overall, I was ok with this part of the plot. Even Duke and baroness back ground. This part of the plot at least was developed. I would have been happier with blue suited cobra troopers and officers as merc's then neo vipers being drawn from them. missed opportunity there. Nanomites altering people, well its a little sci fi but...............I could see it in the old marvel comic, Larry Hama did ok with stupider ideas than this being forced into his plots. Clan McCullen background history of the mask was well done. Overall, the plot outline was ok, some of the characters are right on or close enough, The actors did great with the big bag of crap that was handled them, the execution and some of details leaves lots to be desired. It was clear that toy company influence is alive and well in this movie. It is also clear that they did not give a rats ass about the previous plot or character development, the only exceptions are where I think the individual actors put in extra efforts.
Brandon F as miscellaneous random un-named joe, (GUN HO) he did alright, I no longer fear him if they do the next two movies like paramount threatens too. It was a bit part though, seems like they mashed beachhead and gun ho together.
This brings up
The Baroness's indestructo hummer H2 of DOOM, This thing was STUPID, SILLY, especially the plow that pooped out of the bumper and the missile launchers that flip out of the trim panels, this screams toy to me and a crappy one at that,
suitable for children 8 years old. suitable only to ruin this movie for everyone else.
I would have the baroness and Storm shadow come out of lab and enter a tractor trailer and drive out in a HISS tank, That whole chase would have been better and more believable, a HISS tank would have been capable of the path of destruction through Paris, not a hopped up toy H2, speaking of this chase scene:
ACCELERATOR SUIT, ARRGGHGHHH would have been much better to use JUMP jet packs, and RAM motorcycle, stupid van should have been a VAMP. Had Clutch as a character to be a superior driver instead of asshat accelerator suits. The outcome would have been the same plot wise with out crapping up this movie. ARRGGGHHH! stupid, stupid, stupid, in black no less, stupid accelerator suits and I don't care how much they cost either!
who ever though that up should go die in a fire! I'll push them in. That whole chase scene was more suitable to IRON MAN, or X MEN. Eiffel tower coming down I was ok with strange the amount of cheering in the drive in when that happened, you would have thought it was in Springfield. PARAMOUNT You killed this movie with this sequence.
ARRRGHH, after images from that scene are stuck in my brain, I am going to have to go to Cobra cares web site and borrow their brainwave scanner to get the
STINK of this craptacular sequence of POOP out of my brain. YOU SUCK PARAMOUNT Gi Joe being a multinational force, ARRGGGHH! who the hell though that one up, At least to the extent that it was portrayed, the ((^*%*%((PIT in Egypt, WTF! I am OK with having multi national members, maybe with a NATO mandate but there is NO WAY they would be secret as a NATO force and there is no way they would have the super secret gear they are supposed to have, country don't trust each other that far. This whole thing stink of that crappy 1980's B movie mega force, it stinks the same way too, just needed a flying motorcycle. Should keep that to my self paramount read this and try it in the next movie.
Inside of the pit, A+ though USS Flag was also well done, should have put conquest X30, XF16s, Sky strikers on deck though.
The cobra raid into the pit, they should have pulled out some oldies like the SNAKE suit, and some blue suited cobra troopers, that was a job for 1000 men or one. say One Ninja not ninja+baroness+ squad of expendable neo vipers (of which there are only 19. Another thing the pit was staffed by LOTS of JOES, even the comic book theory of ninja* should not have put the odds in cobras favor.
Heavy duty, He was roadblock, apparently they lost the rights to use that name, if find it forgivable as a offense to my sensibility. Should have had at least a Cameo of him holding a M2 50 cal. It would have been easy to do during the raid in the pit. HAVE him hold a M2 in a doorway against the SNAKE suit I idea I mentioned earlier, have another joe say "You make a hell of a roadblock" and how in the hell do you hold that thing? "clean living and a high pain tolerances" IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH TO TIE WHAT WAS A WEAK CHARACTER INTO THE BACK STORY OF THE COMIC,
Night Raven, nailed that one perfect, Ripcord had no business being in one though, HE IS NOT A PILOT OF THAT CALIBER, that part of the movie, a pilot like ACE should have been used, its not as though they weren't flying around in a stupid ALIEN's drop ship anyway so there had to be a pilot nearby Joe's should have come in with a snowcat and a pair of polar battle bears, would not have been to hard to do. missed opportunity there as well.
They did some things very well, Breaker chewing bubblegum for instance. Someone at least did some homework on the characters, if they got this then why the hell did they fall so far from the mark in everything else?
Cover Girl, extraneous except to do movie posters, they should have done something more here or not at all. She was also a composite with lady jay elements, HERETICS, into the fire with you too.
I think it would have been much better for a Col. Hawk as field commander and a Gen. Flagg like n the early comic back ground but, I was OK with Dennis Q as actor playing hawk,
COBRA Commander and Destro should NOT have been captured, they are famous for their escapes with in escapes, that is why they are so dangerous. Sacrifice a lackey and escape the impossible, to live and fight another day. That their super power. Escape when it all goes wrong and try again latter. The development of how CC keeps his lieutenants in sway makes sense though, That was well done.
Over all, this movie only upsets me because I see what could have been. Kind of like a little kid reaching for the cookie jar when the counter is just out of reach. I expected it to be WORSE so with low expectations I find that I did not hate it.
The director (Steven Summers) and research team just needs to be purged in nuclear fire and that is not hot enough.
* comic book theory of ninja states that one or two ninja will kick lots of ass, more than one or two ninja equates to them dieing in silly droves as expendable cannon fodder. Even Stormy and friends should not have been able to take out hundreds is not thousands of joes in the pit, total Asshattery there.
